Have you ever wondered what prayer can actually do to you? Have you ever wondered how it works and how powerful it is?? I have and my purpose of writing this post is to share what the power of prayer is to me. All content is based on my personal experience and how I can show you how the power of prayer works in my life.
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The year 2012 has been a really tough year for me as it is my final year in high school and I have many struggles in managing my time for these and thats. Even though it all happens in 2012, it began at the end of 2011[somewhere between August and September]. I had so much to cope on. My studies, my club and many other things. After the school choir's outgoing and incoming committee meeting, I was elected to become a secretary AND a sectional leader. I accepted this task thinking I could manage it on my own, but then it was hard. I was skipping many lessons and my studies were all going down the drain.
During my second mid-semester test in 2011, I had failed so many subjects and did not even get any A's at all - not even my English or Maths! I failed 6 subjects out of 10(excluding Bible Knowledge). Although I have been busy with 2 continuous choir competitions that year, that shouldn't be the blame. Throughout a period of 3 months, I barely talked to anyone because of this shame. Not even my closest friend(we got the same number of failing grades but hers was better). For 3 months, I would sit at a corner in class, doing my own thing. People see me as 'studying' or 'reading' but deep inside, I was crying. I cried because I was afraid that my parents would not accept my bad results. I even read a thick novel of 300++ pages in just two days(record of reading books broken. LOL)! I was depressed.
One day, my good and trustworthy friend, Ann confronted me as she noticed a huge change in my behaviour. I would not spill a word out but she did her best to comfort me. She also gave me a small help by giving Merv's number to me so that I can share my problems with him since I would not share it with anyone else in the class. And so, I took the number and called on to Merv for help. Though it was through a phone call, he has really helped me and comforted me a lot. He said that everything should be alright only if I tell my parents about my results with honesty. All I had to do was think on the bright side, not the dark.
And so, I had tried several attempts but that dare just scares me every time I think about it. So since my eldest sister, her husband and her 1 year+ daughter was with us for holidays, I decided to tell her first so she could give me some good advice. Her advice was, "If you want to tell mummy daddy about this, better tell them while I'm still here in Kuching. Why? Cause Grace is here with us and so they won't dare to scold you out loudly or harm you as it will give Grace a bad example." Thinking of this, it sounds very cheeky and maybe, not honest enough. But to put it in a rational way, its true and its a way for me to get away from harsh scoldings that I really dislike.
On the last day of my sister's stay, I decided to tell my mum even though it was very late at night for my schooling weekdays. I prayed before anything happened. I prayed that everything will be alright and that my mum and dad will understand and are willing to accept my 6-failed-subjects in the recent test I took. Mum took it with calm as she was expecting that kind of result to come out due to my lack of presence in class and so forth. I was glad, but I know I have to make promises so that I would study harder than before.
But being elected as secretary and sectional leader leads to more problems. But it did not stop me. I prayed to God for guidance to help me in my last exam of the year while balancing it out with my club activities. I switched places and sat in front of class paying attention to all my subject classes. It was not easy, often when I concentrate, I start feeling sleepy and my head was spinning like a mad dog. I was not used to that concentration level but I fought it and tried. I succeeded and my exam results was satisfying. It was so much better than the previous test although it was not very good. I was very happy indeed. But then it only lasted for a very short period of time.
2011 passed by and there came 2012. I no longer had that passion to study harder and harder everyday to improve my studies. That passion of getting good results was dying slowly and I did not realise it at all. By the time I realised it, it can be considered too late to change anything. But then I would not want to believe in such things so I still continued on, striving for the best. It was during my mock exams when I realised how little effort I have put into my studies. The results were disappointing, but was as expected. I cried over a spilled milk when I failed my Biology and got an E in my Accounts.
Because of a quite bad mock exam result, I have decided to do my very own revision at home and at school with the teachers. I could not possibly sit down in a group of friends to do a study group - NEVER! So whatever task my teachers gave, I tried my very best to accomplish it whenever I can and do whatever I can. During those times, there were many temptations around me that every time I stumble into one, I get so fed up! At times, they just come in one whole group, I can no longer study at that point of time I would just leave my books and notes and walk around the house especially the kitchen until I'm calm.
However, I was still a little lazy as there was not many things that could motivate me. My mind set was always "Just sit for the test and don't care about anything else. But make sure you study!" And in the end, it always turn out the other way. I become more lazier. But I continued to strive for the best and I did. I sat for all my papers in SPM. Some were tough, some were expected, some were okay. But none was as easy as ABC. I know I have done my very best and I do not want to think of regrets. EVER.
After about a month later, all those frustration came to mind on how I did in my SPM. For a week, I was depressed and was afraid for not doing well. But once when I have had enough of frustration, I prayed hard to God to get rid of all those negative thoughts that was in my mind. All those thoughts that was disturbing me day and night. And He cast it out. I was then free from those. But who knew it could actually come back when the results were to be out soon. Although its a normal thing to feel so, I really did not want to be afraid or get panicky at all. But what gives me the negative chills is that I had have three consecutive dreams about getting my result. As I recalled, I also did dreamt of getting my results once, for PMR. But for SPM thrice?! That's crazy!
For my first dream, it had no sense at all, it was a very weird and random dream with no plots or meaning. But I dreamt of getting 4As and announced to people that I want to re-sit my whole SPM[that is INSANE]. For my second dream, I also dreamt of getting 4As but this time, I took like, 15 subjects!! Its really another crazy dream that does not bring anything to me. I mean like, I took clay-modelling and geography(got a C and B+ respectively) in SPM?! My mind has totally gone nuts. FYI, I took only 11 subjects. And lastly the third dream was the one I conquered the most. I was in the school hall and I was watching everyone else getting their results. Some were happy, some were not. I was queueing up for my turn and it was almost my turn till I realised I was actually dreaming. It was not at all the real day itself.
So I told myself in the dream, "NO NO NO!! SAM YOU CANNOT SEE YOUR RESULTS HERE. THIS IS NOT AT ALL REAL ITS JUST A DREAM! ITS JUST A DREAM JUST A DREAM! YOU CANNOT SEE YOUR RESULTS! ITS NOT REAL ITS JUST A DREAMMMMM!!!" Then I woke up and wowed myself for being able to control my dream. Seriously, I did not want to look at the results. My dreams don't decide what I get. God does, as stated in Acts 1:7. And so I wanted to lift it all up to God. But the question is, HOW?
It was then I found out a very powerful prayer I have made on my own in EWA13. I have used this several times this year and what came in return was not at all disappointing. Even if it did, I did not regret or felt sad at all. Instead, I felt happy and lifted. I use this prayer every time I need something or I when want to accomplish something. I even used this for sitting my driving table test and I passed! Trusting and believing in the power of this simple prayer, I've also decided to use it for my preparation of getting back my SPM results.
Because of a quite bad mock exam result, I have decided to do my very own revision at home and at school with the teachers. I could not possibly sit down in a group of friends to do a study group - NEVER! So whatever task my teachers gave, I tried my very best to accomplish it whenever I can and do whatever I can. During those times, there were many temptations around me that every time I stumble into one, I get so fed up! At times, they just come in one whole group, I can no longer study at that point of time I would just leave my books and notes and walk around the house especially the kitchen until I'm calm.
However, I was still a little lazy as there was not many things that could motivate me. My mind set was always "Just sit for the test and don't care about anything else. But make sure you study!" And in the end, it always turn out the other way. I become more lazier. But I continued to strive for the best and I did. I sat for all my papers in SPM. Some were tough, some were expected, some were okay. But none was as easy as ABC. I know I have done my very best and I do not want to think of regrets. EVER.
After about a month later, all those frustration came to mind on how I did in my SPM. For a week, I was depressed and was afraid for not doing well. But once when I have had enough of frustration, I prayed hard to God to get rid of all those negative thoughts that was in my mind. All those thoughts that was disturbing me day and night. And He cast it out. I was then free from those. But who knew it could actually come back when the results were to be out soon. Although its a normal thing to feel so, I really did not want to be afraid or get panicky at all. But what gives me the negative chills is that I had have three consecutive dreams about getting my result. As I recalled, I also did dreamt of getting my results once, for PMR. But for SPM thrice?! That's crazy!
For my first dream, it had no sense at all, it was a very weird and random dream with no plots or meaning. But I dreamt of getting 4As and announced to people that I want to re-sit my whole SPM[that is INSANE]. For my second dream, I also dreamt of getting 4As but this time, I took like, 15 subjects!! Its really another crazy dream that does not bring anything to me. I mean like, I took clay-modelling and geography(got a C and B+ respectively) in SPM?! My mind has totally gone nuts. FYI, I took only 11 subjects. And lastly the third dream was the one I conquered the most. I was in the school hall and I was watching everyone else getting their results. Some were happy, some were not. I was queueing up for my turn and it was almost my turn till I realised I was actually dreaming. It was not at all the real day itself.
So I told myself in the dream, "NO NO NO!! SAM YOU CANNOT SEE YOUR RESULTS HERE. THIS IS NOT AT ALL REAL ITS JUST A DREAM! ITS JUST A DREAM JUST A DREAM! YOU CANNOT SEE YOUR RESULTS! ITS NOT REAL ITS JUST A DREAMMMMM!!!" Then I woke up and wowed myself for being able to control my dream. Seriously, I did not want to look at the results. My dreams don't decide what I get. God does, as stated in Acts 1:7. And so I wanted to lift it all up to God. But the question is, HOW?
It was then I found out a very powerful prayer I have made on my own in EWA13. I have used this several times this year and what came in return was not at all disappointing. Even if it did, I did not regret or felt sad at all. Instead, I felt happy and lifted. I use this prayer every time I need something or I when want to accomplish something. I even used this for sitting my driving table test and I passed! Trusting and believing in the power of this simple prayer, I've also decided to use it for my preparation of getting back my SPM results.
" Lord, whatever you give, I accept it. And for whatever you do not give, I trust YOU. For it is your will be done, not mine. Amen."
A self-made 'poster' that I put on my cupboard door as a reminder.
Days passed and the day of the results was coming nearer. I still felt calm as I continued praying that prayer every day. But on the day itself, 30 minutes before the results were released, I suddenly felt a great terror in me. I rushed to my room and prayed the rosary. I told God all my intentions and I continuously said that prayer. I also told Him to be with me and to send His Holy Spirit, angels and saints to be with me when I take my result. I also prayed to my patron saints, Mother Mary and my guardian angel.
When I finished the second decade, I was as calm as the day. I went back down and continued on my daily chores while saying the rest of the decades until I have completed the rosary. Then I was off to school to get my result about an hour later. I felt very easy and light and also, worry-free. Even my mum was surprised at how I reacted.
THIS is my result
In overall, I got 1A+, 1A, 4B+, 2B and 3C+
I was satisfied with what I got. VERY SATISFIED. For me, my maths and English is a must to get A. The rest, somewhere about what you can see. :) Although I did not get what I really aimed for, I am happy with what I've got because it tells me how much effort I have put in through these years. THIS is my effort and I thank God for helping me realised that. Doing what you have done best is important in life. Not getting what you want is not the matter. Rather, being satisfied with what you have matters so much more.
Besides all these, I really am thankful that God shows us that our dreams can be wrong. All you need to do is surrender everything to Him and He will give you what you are worth for. Are your efforts worth for dreams made to be come true? My answer is NO. God controls everything. Not our dreams. Also, I am really glad and happy that He has shown me what He gives for us is the best. It may be rough and tough in the beginning, but its not our will but HIS.
Although my result may be considered as one of the worse among my sisters, I can say it is one of the best yet. I say this because I have put in my full trust in God to help me handle my studies and exams. Also, I took my results with pride and a big smile on my face. I really thank and praise God for bringing me this far, teaching me many things. Now I understand why people say that prayers won't work if you say them once or twice unless you say it continuously everyday giving your heart to God. I now too understand the meaning of 'prayer changes people' and its power.
The power of prayer is so powerful even a miracle can happen. Just tell God what you need and tell Him why and say it with all your body and soul. He listens. Just by this small simple prayer that I have said day by day, I can say that right now I am changed. I have become a more positive thinker when it comes into terms of deciding, needing and receiving. And I praise God for that. So I hope all of you readers get my point of this post and understand what the power of prayer really is. God bless! :)
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**Special credits to my blessed peeps**
1. Jasmine Ann for giving me Merv's number and comforting me
2. Mervyn Lee for giving me comfort and countless advice and also teaching me to learn to trust the bright side
3. My sister, Sandra Teo-Hall for suggesting when I should tell the truth to my parents
4. My parents, for being very supportive and understanding
5. My teachers for their patience and continuous guidance and support
6. AND ALL THE OTHERS WHOM HAVE HELPED DIRECTLY AND INDIRECTLY IN WHICH I CANNOT REMEMBER WHO
Everyone, thank you so much for being there for me in those times of need.I really do appreciate it. YOU and your help. Without you, I won't be who I am today. Once again, THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU!!!!
xoxo -sam-
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